With five kids so far, I don't feel like we have a big family. My mother has four, my mother-in-law has five, and I know a number of people with 8, 9, or 10 kids. So the fact that we all fit in a standard mini-van convinces me that we are just at the high end of normal. Until, that is, we go out in public. People's leers and comments quickly remind me that, to some people, we are a travelling circus show of cuteness and snot.
This post is called 12 things mom's of big families may want you to know because they didn't hold some big convention and elect me spokesperson. But from speaking with other mom's of many, there are definitely some points that come up again and again.
1) Please don't ask my kids if we're going to have more. We don't consult them!
2)Yes, we know what causes this. No, we don't want to hear your thoughts on family planning.
3)Please don't stop me in the grocery store to tell me how busy I am. I know I'm busy. You know I'm busy. So can I please get out of the cereal aisle before my 2 year old spots the fruity-o's?
4)Having a large litter of children doesn't mean I am particularly patient, or organized, or rich. What I can tell you for sure is that I am far more patient and organized (and slightly less rich) than I was when I started having kids.
5)We don't look down on you for having less kids. You really don't need to preface every comment about how tired/frustrated/stretched to your limit you are with words like "well, I only have 2, but..." I remember having 2 kids....I was exhausted and it was hard. No matter how many kids you have, they require everything you know you can give and then some.
6) Please please PLEASE don't make my children feel like freaks.
7) Don't compare us to the Duggars. (Although from what I can tell, it would be a compliment.) Or some crazy hippy family you once knew with eleven kids who liked to dance naked in the woods or some such oddity. You don't go around comparing families with 2 kids to one another, do you? Of course you don't!
8) I would like to reiterate: Yes, we know what causes this. Every time I leave the house I hear this question AT LEAST 3 times. It stopped being funny a long time ago.
9) People like to say "kids are such a blessing" in one breath and "but you're done, right?" in the next. Don't.
10) Friends: I know you don't have enough chairs to invite us over for dinner. Invite us anyways. Please.
11)For goodness sakes, don't pity me. This is by far the most mind boggling reaction we receive. I am wandering contentedly through the grocery store with 5 healthy happy kids and people tell me that they feel sorry for me? From where I stand, we are pretty stinkin' blessed.
12)Oh, and Yes....we know what causes this. See, it starts to lose it's humour pretty quick, doesn't it?
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My daughter just had her fourth child, but with her stepson, there are five kids in the house! I think it is awesome and theya are truly blessed with EACH one!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this!!! Thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteI love it! I don't remember how I stumbled upon your blog for the first time (pinterest maybe?) but your writing style just makes me feel like we're old friends. Thanks for the laugh! I've got four, but they are all close in age and look similarly, so for some reason I get a lot of these same reactions :).
ReplyDeleteI feel like we've had this conversation before :) everything is completely 100% true. as one of eight, i still don't like to be asked about my parents' sex lives!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Hadn't thought about that. Funny!
DeleteMelody yes I'm one of 6 so I got that too!
DeleteOooh, yes! I'm the oldest of nine, and I finally started telling folks, "Hey, do I ask you about your parents' sex life?"
Deletehahaha I just love it!
ReplyDeleteMy sister just had her fourth son yesterday and I consider each child such a blessing. With five kids, you must always have a warm home and heart!
ReplyDeleteYour post was quite entertaining. :)
Love this....we have 4 kids of our own and I have had many a talk about #10....so true! Thanks for sharing! :)
ReplyDeleteLove this! We have 4 (under 5) and NO we are not done. God willing we hope to have more. Why most I explain this to random people everyday. I love sharing and in enjoy with others who are blessed not burdened but their children.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the smae boat. I've got 4 boys and the oldest is 4. I still want at least one more. The comments, questions and looks I get from strangers sometimes makes me a bit crazy. :)
DeleteGreat blog! I have given you The Versatile Blogger Award. You can check it out at http://rediscoveringourfamily.blogspot.com/2012/01/versatile-blogger-award.html
ReplyDelete-Audri (Rediscovering Our Family)
My grandmother always said that after the third, it makes no difference. She had five of her own and was a pastors wife, so there were always extra kids in her house. Then when us grandkids were all there at once (14 in all) she was the picture of perfect patience. I always wondered how she did it(and with no yelling).
ReplyDeleteI am sure if I ever got a bigger house I'd want more than the one I have (I always wanted four). I find myself jealous of those who can have as many as they want. I wish my daughter could have a brother or sister to play with, but we just don't have the space.
God Bless you and your beautiful bunch of kids! It's good to know that if I ever do have more, I'll probably find the patience and energy to deal with them, like you did!!
Sometimes you have to step out in faith first to see how God provides. You will never have enough money, room, or time for more children. I could never afford 4...but with each one, God has provided in a way we didnt forsee...a promotion for my husband the month after a baby was born...and he has always provided! If you want more children, trust the Lord to provide. He calls children blessings!
DeleteWe don't have the "space" either. Somehow we have managed tho with our 9 earthly children in a 4 bedroom home that has 1000 square feet. :) God makes a way if we are willing. :) As an only child I can say one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a sibling (s).
DeleteYes we say that exact thing too: That after the 3rd it makes no difference! Once you have more kids than adults it truly is all the same (as far as the "hands full" thing) I have 7 total (4 at home still) and am hoping for more. You'll never have enough time/space/money, but yes God provides. Have more if you want more - don't worry about how big your house is (or isn't). :)
Deleteas a mom of 7, I agree...the third one is the biggest adjustment
DeleteAs a mom of 12, We live in a 4 bedroom. You have to look for room, and it will be there. Every child doesn't necessarily have to have their own everything. Sharing is actually good for when they have a job or even go to college. Yes, it is very hard at times, but in the light of eternity, does it really matter? I always try to focus on other countries and their accomodations. Some live in grass huts. Many live in appartments with only one bedroom for two to three families and all share one water spicket. Its a hard choice and you have to learn to be content with what God blesses you with.
DeleteThere is a country song perfecttly titled "Love Grows Big in Small Places". I was 1 of 4 children and we lived in a 4 room house. One bedroom for the parents and the kids shared a bedroom. I wouldn't have changed it for the world. My husband and I have 4 children and are in the process of adopting 2. People are like "where are your going to put the ones you are adopting?" My answer, "The horror of it all - they may have to share a room" ;) Please don't let limited space stop you from having more childen. If you asked your daughter, she would most likely LOVE a sibling...whether she had to share her room or not.
DeleteClearly I am saying this in jest but, you just have to stack them right. My mother's issue was we wouldn't have enough room and they wouldn't have their own bedrooms. I still contest that my sister and I would have liked each other more had we been forced to be in the same room. I like her now and she is my best friend but, there were a few years say, 15 that I didn't care much for her. All five of mine sleep in one large den/bedroom in buck beds I might add. I can't say enough about being open to gods plans and just knowing he will supply your every need!
DeleteI raised and home schooled 8 in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom 980 sq. ft. home. The great thing about a small home is that when they go off to college they think their dorm rooms are HUGE. ;)
Delete(It seems pretty quiet around here now with only 4 left.)
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteOh and you can come to dinner here anytime! It'll be real cramped, but I don't mind if you don't! We'll have a picnic dinner so we won't need any chairs!!
ReplyDeleteHeeHee Karen... You're sweet!
DeleteFantastic! I had 6 and heard many of these comments frequently. I agree whole heartedly with all you have to say -thanks especially when you say we know what causes it and my kids are healthy and happy so I am pretty lucky!
ReplyDeleteI love this! I hope to be in your shoes someday, and I admire all you do SO VERY MUCH!
ReplyDeleteI'm fortunate to have four children and most people consider us to be a big family! What I found very weird was when I announced my third pregnancy, my colleagues were shocked and now after my fourth they all want to know when I am having the next!
ReplyDeleteI envy you, I would have loved to have 5 but my last pregnancy was a doozie, so no more for me. I 'only' have 3 kids, and even with 'just' 3, many people make comments without realizing how hurtful and sometimes just plain dumb they sound. "You must have your hands full', "wow, they are so close in age (5, 2 1/2 and 11 months), 'I couldn't handle more than 1 or 2'. Well great, that's you and this is me...I love the craziness and fun we have at our house; truly never a dull moment!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's amazing....all of my 5 year old daughters friends want to come to our house...we are the 'fun' house where we have dance parties every night, bath time is full of toys and laughter, and meals are just downright crazy. But there is love enough for everyone, whether you are related or just stopping by.
I feel the same way. I always thought I'd have a bunch of children but after my last pregnancy I was told I cannot have any more. I have 3 healthy children here on earth and 2 more waiting for me in heaven. When people ask me if we are having more I tell them I cant and they just assume that it is because of having tubes tied or something like that. They dont realize some people would love to have more children than their bodies will allow.
DeleteGreat - you are so right!
ReplyDeleteI'm expecting our fourth child and it makes me really angry how many people ask: "But now you are done, aren't you?"
Thanks for sharing with us!
Greetings from Germany!
Stephanie
Just had my fourth and I hear the same thing ALL the time! We may or may not be "Done," only God knows, but why would anyone expect me to look into the beautiful face of my 2 week old baby and say, "Yep, definitely don't want any more of this,"?
DeleteSome people don't understand that EACH LIFE is on purpose, a blessing and a gift from God. I'm sure that gets old but it sounds like you have exactly the right perspective. I ONLY have one :) But we are hoping for another very soon! Great post!!
ReplyDeleteI'm slightly jealous of your big family...I was only blessed with one.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is 'thanks for sharing and enjoy your house full of blessings!'
Excellent post!
ReplyDeleteI should write one of these about being a single mom. You would not believe some of the stuff people have the nerve to ask or say to me.
Well - I can "up" you one - how about a single mom of 7? (seriously!) And you know, each of my kids will grow up much healthier, much less selfish, much more adept, and much more responsible than I was as an only child! All the strength to you and your lovely brood! (Just tell those people that you already took a tour of a certain aisle in Walgreens):)
DeleteAs a mom of 6 (soon to be 7!) I couldn't agree with this post more! And to answer *that* question I'll say, "Of course we do - and we like it!" or, "Yeah, we're pretty good at it..." I get some amusing reactions, and it tends to shut people up!
ReplyDeleteAs a mom to 4 under 6, I can tell you what caused them...WE caused them. And had a great time in the process. Tee hee hee. I had an older lady today tell me at the store that in her case (7 children), it was the Scotch she gave her husband on their anniversaries. All of her children were anniversary celebration babies, give or take a month. She was a hoot! (and she kept the littles entertained while I checked out).
ReplyDeleteI love your post- and yes- you can speak for all us (or for me at least!) I hear all of these are more! Except substitute the Gosselins for the Duggars in our running commentary...
ReplyDeleteAnd we no longer fit in the standard issue mini van! I now drive a mommy bus! (see the attached link!) http://momof6.com/stuff-i-love/sharons-favorite-things-the-right-car-for-a-large-sized-family/
I'm about to have my 3rd little boy, my oldest son is 4, and the comment that I HATE is, "wow, 3 boys, you must have a lot of patience!" Ummm...actually, NO, I DON'T! I wish I did, but I think maybe I'm blessed with all boys because I have some lessons to learn about patience! But I love them so much and all of their messes and destruction! I hope to have a little girl someday, but then I'd want her to have a sister..so that would put us up to...5 kids! haha.. we'll see, though- I came from a family of 6 children, and people always thought my parents were crazy- but I can tell you what, there is nothing like being an adult and having siblings that are your best friends. Sometimes, they can drive you even more crazy now that you are grown up, but it's great to have cousins for your kids to play with, and know that we can all take care of each other.. Love big families!
ReplyDeleteI have 3 boys and a little princess and all I ever hear is, "oh, you got your girl, now you can be done." I just want to scream when people say that! Who are they do decide that I am done?!
DeleteAnd...just because I'm over 30 doesn't mean I have to stop having children!! I am 35 and have 4 little girls ages 5, 4, 3, and 7 months. Why do I have to decide now, right now, that this is or is not my last child?? Maybe I want more, maybe I don't. I'm not ready to say irreversibly that I'm done. Am I planning more, no. But I'm not planning to NOT have more either. And again... why is that any of your business?? Do I ask you to pay for my kid's food? Clothes? Medical care? Babysit?? No. So butt out!
DeleteAmazing Post!!! I am a mother of three (all very close in age)- I all to often hear all this at the store myself - along with "are they ALL yours??" Not sure when 3 kids became a lot, but I don't really think it is. I grew up in a family of 5 kids with most of my aunts and uncles having 3 to 9 kids (I have 58 first cousins). I love the chaos and excitement of a big family! I would love to have more kids, we will see what we are blessed with. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I have a 3 year old, 2 year old, and 6 month old (all boys)...and these are all things I hear constantly! :) I love it!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThis post is great! Lol, I have three and have heard these comments A LOT!!!!! I'm sharing this :) Thanks!
ReplyDelete-Audri
www.rediscoveringourfamily.blogspot.com
I have "only" 4, but I had them in 5 years, so we suffered a lot of ribbing. I didn't plan it that way, but now that they're 9, 10, 13 & 14 I am so glad! We've been able to do things as a family for several years now and are super close because of it.
ReplyDeleteNever ceases to amaze me, though, how even complete strangers think you want their opinion! I don't. Enjoyed this post immensely. :)
Hahaha! I'm the youngest of six and we SO used to get these comments growing up. My Mom also used to get asked a lot if she was Catholic (this was in the 60's and 70's) and get told that it was okay to use birth control. Eyeroll.
ReplyDeleteWe're done, so I can give you our numbers: 12 pregnancies, 9 deliveries, 7 live births, 6 living, 5 still @ home. Yes, we had a few miscarriages and 2 still births (2nd trimester miscarriages, but I did the whole labor & delivery thing anyway) We lost a 3 year old daughter later to a brain tumor, and now are yet grappling with autism in two of our kids. When asked in the grocery store if I knew what caused this, I wanted to badly to do my best wide eyed shocked drawl, "Why NO!! Would y'all like to explain it to me?!" ~and watch them run, but alas, I never did....
ReplyDeleteI love your blog !!!
ReplyDeleteTry to remember strangers don't say these things to be rude or insensitive, they say them more to acknowledge how hard you are working or sometimes out of admiration. Maybe not for all those comments but I have said them before and by no means do I ever intend to be rude. I admire moms like us with lots of kids and yes 5 kids is a large family nowadays! That is something to be proud of and I admire that. People have become soooo sensitive, back in the day these comments were very popular and spoken often but no one got bent out of shape. As a mom of 5 myself I hear these comments as well, not often but sometimes and I have to say it doesn't bother me, I laugh or nod and move on.
Heather
Heather some DO say it to be rude or shove their opinion on others. I've experienced it myself, but having people making comments about friends with 7 or more children and making comments about how selfish, irresponsible, ignorant, and my "favorite" crazy they are. So sadly some people really do say it with rudeness at heart.
DeleteHeather, that is soo true. I have had old people make comments in front of my children, "Well, at least they all have the same eyes". I had a fireman insist where my boyfriend was in front of my children, in my home (I tried to kick him out but he refused-will never call the fire dept. again-they were useless anyway). Can you imagine that the fireman lived in my subdivision. His peers were annoyed with his rudeness. I have had people assume that our adopted handicap child was my fault (as if I had too many children and I caused her handicap). They say and act so mean. I have had people assume that we are on welfare and make comments regarding that (we don't receive, never have, any government money). We live in a day where there are mostly selfish self loving people, as the bible says. It is hard to endure the ridicule, ugly looks, whispering. The children don't deserve it. They are kind, loving, gentle, respectful,and a blessing to us.
DeleteI agree! As much as my blood pressure rises when I hear comments like, "Are you done now?" (I have 5), I have to remind myself that to imitate Christ I should answer in a loving and gentle way. Even if they ARE trying to ruffle my feathers, I may be a witness to them in a small way. The contraceptive mentality is so prevalent it is possible the person has no idea why a person would choose to have more than one or two kids.
DeleteO yeah, I also point out that I'm neither Catholic nor Mormon, so I don't get "extra credit" for a large family as some have implied.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Are there religious "brownie points" for people with larger families?
OOOH is this a pet peeve.
ReplyDeleteI have never, ever understood why people feel the need to comment on others' reproductive activities, especially when the fruits thereof are STANDING RIGHT THERE. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Exactly! I can totally relate. I really hate it when people feel the need to try to get the government involved in others' reproductive activities, when they feel the need to comment on my reproductive rights and choices. Tacky!
DeleteYep. As the mom of 4 kids I hear a lot of those comments. My kids are 5.5 years from beginning to end and 3 are boys so I get a LOT of "hands full" "busy" comments. And "at least ya got your girl" as if my #2 and #3 boys were any less wanted because they were boys instead of girls.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!!! Yes we do know what causes this!! I once had a woman in the bathroom,with #2 while I was carrying #3 when she was maybe 11 months old and very pregnant with #4, look at me with wide eyes and say "Oh no!" in a pitying voice. Give me a break! :) Gave me a good laugh!!
ReplyDeleteLOVED this post! I "only" have three children, and that will probably be all we have. We're considering adopting in the years to come, though.
ReplyDeleteI actually had the reverse conversation recently. My two toddler boys are very close in age, and we often get asked if they are twins. I explained to one lady recently that they are actually 16 months apart. She replied, "I had five boys myself." I replied that she must have had a houseful of fun. She answered, in a half-joking/half-obnoxious tone, "No, I cried every day." I honestly didn't know how to respond to that!
What I've noticed is that when you're female, people feel they have the right to comment on your family no matter what its state is: no kids, one kid, 3 or ten. It doesn't matter, everyone will find some inane and/or hurtful comment to make.
ReplyDeleteI say we go back to the old manners: no comments on personal items, appearance, religion or politics. Talk about the weather or something 'kay?
Yes I agree, when did the old manners vanish?? I also hated the comments of "didnt you just have a baby? yes, I did...oh, you still look pregnant, or you kept alot of the weight or youre fat!!! Some people have no shame!!!
DeleteAs a mom of 5 and of mixed heritage (I'm asian, German and Irish) my husband (Norwegian), our children range from curly brunette with a nice tan and hazel eyes to fair, blond and blue eyes. What I get, from complete strangers, is "do they have the same father?", "do you run a daycare?" and "are they all yours?" I've learned just to shrug it off, oh well not everyone thinks before they speak.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I have to join in here! We have 4 kids and that get's lots of comments, as well. I think your #13 should be "are they all yours?" Yes, they are all ours, and I'd like to know what business that is of yours? How rude, especially if said in front of all of them! You really made me chuckle with this post, probably cuz, even with "only four", I've heard most of these! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMother of 9 here---My response to the "Do you know what causes that?" question is always a resounding, "YES! and we LIKE it!" That generally shuts people up pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteWell, I only have 2 but....just kidding!! I really enjoyed your post. I try to be so gracious when people stop me to "chat" in the grocery store while I'm wrangling my two girls, but I'm really just trying to get out of there. I know they mean the best (they aren't tacky in the ways you describe here!), but...gimme a break!
ReplyDeleteLoved this! I am 1 of 6 and it's so much fun now that we are older and you have 5 lifetime friends. I say the more the merrier!
ReplyDeletemakingitfeellikehome.blogspot.com
We have four children and I come from a family of 7. When people tell me that I have my hands full, I tell them, "yes, of good things!". I get a surprised response many times but it makes people stop and think.
ReplyDeleteMomma of 10 here--Totally agree! Love it.
ReplyDeleteHaha I love it! I can't wait to have lots of kids!
ReplyDeleteI am not quite sure why these kinds of dialogues bother me. I think it is because I am around many large families and I feel like many of those moms complain about the comments they receive when they go out and such. I have only two, and people also comment on them. I guess I would assume it is just part of being human, finding things to chat about and talk about. FInding ways to connect. I may be incredibly naive (which is entirely possible), but I don't think all those people who make remarks to you think that you are stupid, or offensive. Do you really think that? We all say silly things to fill the space around us. I think it is nice just just give some grace to those who say things and move on down the aisle. Love them for trying to connect and share some of your joy of parenting with them.
ReplyDeleteI like your comment because it's full of grace and I do think that when people say, "Wow, you're busy," and things like that, they are trying to connect. I thought about that too. I also think this post is hilarous, though, because we all know that there is a line. When I was pregnant with my second boy (and people asked what I was having), sometimes they'd sigh and tell me they were sorry (in front of my 4 yr old boy). My friend of boy twins had someone tell her they'd "kill themself" if they had boy twins (said in front of the boys, of course). I think that you are right, that [most] people mean no harm, but a little encouragement to think before speaking is always good! BTW, I find that a genuine smile or a "you're boys are cute" from a stranger always puts a little spring in my step. :-)
DeleteI once asked a lady with 5 little ones, "all yours?" in order to tell her I remember those days with 5, now I have 8. But she didn't give me the chance. She marched off while flinging back at me "mind your own business."
DeleteGod is allowing us to assist Him in raising 8 beautiful blessings! I was also one of 8! Among friends and family we have had this conversation many times. I think the best response to the you know how this happens question is one my brother came up with, "I see you're having trouble, would you like me to give you lessons?!" Maybe these people will wake up and realize they're being way too personal!
ReplyDeleteI understand the comments that people make without thinking. We have 4 children (all grown up now) but when they were younger we heard many different comments. We had a six yr. old son and then we had triplets (a girl and two boys). People would ask us some really personal questions and then we would hear "I am sure glad they are yours and not mine." I would reply "I am sure glad they are mine also!!" The best question was "Did you want triplets?" How do you answer that question? We wanted all four of our children.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha!! Love this!! Just went to Target today with my 6 in tow and I felt like we were on display.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of twins I have to say I totally understand weird stranger comments too! People never cease to be amazing. I'm a new reader, love the blog!
ReplyDeleteChristi, I was thinking the same thing. I only have two children, but they're twins also and when they were babies I got asked a LOT of personal questions and heard a lot of strange comments. Honestly, for the most part it didn't really bother me. I chalked it up to curiousity or searching for a connection. The only exceptions were when I was in a big hurry and people wanted the full story, (IE: Yes they're both girls, No they don't look alike, yes they're fraternal, yes it's hard, yes I'm tired, yes it was a big surprise, no we weren't on fertility, yes it's very cool etc...)when they wanted the full history when my children were clearly restless and fussy, and when they would ask me if my two children who were both dressed in frilly pink clothes if they were a boy and a girl! Really?!? Once this poor man made the mistake of asking me that during a particularly sleep deprived, cranky Mommy moment and I said "Yes, we have a boy and a girl, I just really wanted two girls, so I dress my boy in pink frills!" That shut him right up. LOL!
DeleteI hear you, I hear you!! People claim that the people who make these comments most likely aren't trying to be rude, BUT I will say they sure don't do good job @ being tactful! THINK, people, THINK!!
ReplyDeleteWe get all kinds of comments because we have 3 girls... & are expecting "AGAIN"... & I would be thrilled if we have a girl... a boy would be great too, of course, but we would be just as ecstatic w/a girl... which I suspect we are having a girl... we make girls! LOL At least so far!
People act like we are doomed because we have 3 girls...you should have seen the LOOKS we got from people who saw me pregnant w/#3 & then they saw me wearing her in my sling after she was born... "ANOTHER girl?!?!" & then they'd sigh... SERIOUSLY?!?! YES, SERIOUSLY!! RIGHT in front of our kids!!
People keep saying how we NEED a boy... that my DH NEEDS a boy... they say it right in front of our DDs!! Uhm, REALLY?!? We don't NEED any more than God has blessed us with & whether the baby has a penis or vagina, they are all unique individuals, divinely & lovingly created by God.
It sure is degrading to our girls when people say we NEED a boy... whether they MEAN it to be or not, it is really ignorant! Nothing like making our DDs feel inadequate & like they are not what their daddy NEEDS... & that I haven' given him what he NEEDS?!?
We have a 12+ year infertility history too, so the fact that we have ANY kids is amazing... we are so blessed to have each of them! I have managed to shut some people up by saying that since we were infertile for X amount of years, we were just ecstatic to have ANY children at all... then they nod when I say we are blessed... But even still, some people just do NOT GET IT!
I made an avatar for a message board that says, "Yes, I AM pregnant AGAIN & YES, we DO know what causes it... and we LIKE it!!"
For all of those who were so "concerned" that co-sleeping would interfere w/our intimacy...guess we proved them WRONG, huh?!? LOL
We just got the "patience" comment at the dentist's office tonight... sigh... I homeschool, but NO, I do NOT walk on water!! LOL I told them by God's grace we get through each day & we are so happy doing what we do... it isn't always easy, but it works for us!
I then got the question about haven't I ever thought about public schools... I politely said, "No... never..." & left it at that... her head was spinning & she wanted to ask me why, but I left it alone... I knew that no matter what I said, it would just not sound right when I gave my reasons why we homeschool...
That same woman also kept asking me if there was "any news" the last 3 times I went in to the dentist's office because at a previous visit for me, I had gotten 3 shots of Novocaine, but my tooth would still NOT numb... anyway, I was concerned that IF I were pregnant doing, any more (they said I could have up to 7 shots not pregnant) shots may cause harm to a developing baby. I had to ask what the risks were & was asked if I was pregnant... I said I wasn't sure... the dentist said there was no harm, BUT that he'd prefer to wait until 2nd trimester IF I found out I was pregnant then to do the work...
So when I found out I was NOT pregnant then, I went & had the work done & was asked if I was pregnant by the receptionist... even after I explained that we were praying for another miracle baby after 12+ years of infertility AND that I'd be back in the next week if I was NOT pregnant... she actually asked if I was pregnant... sigh... had to go back in w/my kids & she asked again. SOOO tonight when we went in, I didn't tell her & she didn't ask! LOL
WiseMama - I hear you! Our oldest son is nearly 9 years older than our next child, a girl. Then we had 6 girls in a row in a 10 year span! I've probably heard every version of, "Still trying for that boy, heh?" I would usually just smile and say, "No, our oldest is a boy," until I finally had had enough and had some of your same feelings. It really bothered me that people just assumed the girls were subclass citizens and not every bit as valued. So I changed my answer to, "Oh, no! We believe ALL children are a blessing from God and want all He has for us!" That worked until one particularly long day...I had only the six girls with me and was pregnant with child #8. EVERYWHERE we'd gone we'd heard those little comments all day. The cashier at Wal-Mart did not catch me at my best when she made a very rude comment about hoping we got our boy soon so we could stop. I told her that I did not appreciate your rudeness in FRONT of my girls and her implying that they were less valuable. She got VERY haughty and said, "Well, EX-CUSE me! I was just asking a question!" I explained to her that what is ONE question to her may have been the 20th time I'd heard it that day alone!
DeleteI've always felt somewhat bad about that encounter, but almost glad I finally called someone on the rudeness, too.
Anyway, I ended up having 4 more BOYS in a row, so now we have 6 and 5! :)
The rest of my post... **blushing**
ReplyDeletePeople may not mean to be rude, far too personal, or just downright ignorant, but they sure do a great job of it!! I try my best to show grace, but I am going to lose it if one more person makes my DDs feel as though they are anything less than EXACTLY what we NEED!! I have 33 weeks to go, so odds are, I am going to lose it!! LOL
The one I hate, that goes along with 2,8 and 10, "ever heard of tv? Grr, rude people.
ReplyDeleteI've decided to start replying with "If you think TV is better than sex, you're doing it wrong" - Figure if you can't beat them, shock them into silence :D
DeleteI too have been shocked/annoyed/angered/flabbergasted by the things people have said without thinking. I remember when I was pregnant with my first and discovered how pregnancy and kids make people feel like they have a right to comment on every single thing...
ReplyDeleteAnd then I realized (and try my best to remember) that people are just trying to make a connection. Often they just want to find some way they can relate to you, something that can bring you two together.
Yes it's annoying and can even be painful. But we will never be able to educate the ignorant masses. I guess all we can do is show them grace and look behind their words for what they are trying to say: "I notice you. Notice me too."
Alyssa
LOVE THIS! We just had our fourth and it was amazing to me the jump that has made in people's comments to us. I really didn't know what to say to the checker who said she was sorry for me when my children were being particularly well behaved in that moment. I'm not sorry at all!
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU so much for this post. I didn't know you had twins too. How old are they? Mine just turned 8...it goes by so fast!!! I have 4 kids.....13, 11 and 8 year old twins. I am TRULY blessed. Thanks for sharing your joy with us...
ReplyDeleteAmy
Crazyclutterlady.blogspot.com
I just had to laugh when I saw this because I'm with you all the way. I have 5 boys and 1 girl. Even when I had 3, some lady approached me in the parking lot and asked if I was having more. Sometimes, after such an encounter is over, I have thought about some very personal questions to ask in return. I'm glad such things never pop into my mind naturally so that I would regret them later. Happy posting!
ReplyDeleteBecky
beckywahm.blogspot.com
I am the mom of ten and when people ask me if I know how this happens, I tell yup and I obviously enjoy it. That usually shuts them up:)
ReplyDeleteLori
:-)
DeleteMy Husband are a his, hers, and mine family. I've got 5 daughters 5 years old and under =] and one son who is 16. With 6 kids, which by the way.. includes TWO sets of TWINS! I know exactly what you mean!! Thanks for reminding me that it's not just "me"!
ReplyDeleteMy Husband and I are a his, hers, and ours family. This just isn't my day.. lol
DeleteMy Husband and I*
ReplyDeleteI have 4 boys, and while it isn't especially insulting, I really, really get tired of "Wow, you've got your hands full, don't you?" I hear it more than I hear anything else (every. single. time.), and I wonder, do people REALLY think they've said something that hasn't been said a MILLION times.
ReplyDeleteBut, I do try to react gracefully as Alyssa so succinctly put it, to say, "Yes, I notice you, too."
Have you seen the commercial wherer one person does something good for another person and then it shows that person paying it forward doing something good for someone else and so on? Well, I hope your post does the same thing. Now maybe your friends and relatives will be AWARE of how some of their comments are being taken and how it affects you and your family. I know I will be more aware of what I say to others-if for some reason I am feeling like I need to say something for whatever rerason-although I don't think I have ever had the urge to say something negative but maybe I have said something that may have been taken wrong.
ReplyDeleteI had just the opposite situation. I spent over 13 years dealing with infertility. You think it is bad having people say "don't you know how that happens" try hearing things like "do you need an instruction manual" of course there would be laughter afterwards because they thought they were funny but I was DYING on the inside. And yes I would laugh along with them to keep from balling my eyes out. We spent years and THOUSANDS of dollars and many many painful procedures and yes I finally did get pregnant. I have one MAGNIFICANT AWESOME little boy. He is 9 now. We tried for years after him to have another but it was just not in the cards for us. I always wanted a big family. I always thought that we would have 4 kids. We waited to long to seek feritlity treatments in the beginning. I was 36 when I had Dalton. If you think you know someone who may be having troubles conceiving urge them to go ahead to a fertility dr. and don't wait for it to just happen.
My son has made comments before on how it would be cool to have a big family like the Duggars. I would love for him to be a Duggar for a day! I live in Ar. and not that far from where they live. From those who I have talked with who know them say that they are the same way off camera as they are on camera. Gracious, well manored and large!
If someone tells you "you must have a lot of patience" YES that really is a compliment to you. I think a smile and a "yes I do but we all have our days" is a good reply. I think they are acknowledging how well you handle your kids and that they admire your for being able to do because they don't think that they could.
My son and his friends always want to play at our house. And there are days when they fight like brothers and sisters and I have thought to myself "how many did I used to say I wanted?" And thent here are the days when the laughter (especially when I can hear my own son laughing) and I think THAT IS WHY I wanted a big family.
ENJOY having a big family. Don't let the comments of others disrupt your happy life. Think of it as admiration, with some jealousy and sometimes ignorance. Make sure your children know to be thankful that they have a big family. My son is not only an only child but he has no cousins. And there will not be any cousins. I wish I could afford to adopt and have a big family so he would have family after my husband and I are gone. Yes, this plays on my mind often-sometimes daily. I have thought of so many replys to things people say to some of you especially when you are pregnant or have little ones. Just say "I love the smell of baby puke and poop. Don't you?" Of course that would be if I was in one of my "gonna mess with people" moods. haha
I know I could go on and on-but I won't. Instead I say "Carry on moms! We make the world a better place for our kids."
Haha,too funny. I grew up with 6 siblings and most folks I knew had 5 or more kids. To me that isn't a big family. Now the Duggars, they have a big family.
ReplyDeleteLove this, lol. We have 7 kids and I remember getting this at 4, lol. I am a new follower :-)
ReplyDeletehttp://7kidsandcounting.blogspot.com/
Love this! I am the mother of one by choice, but have been blessed with 6 grandchildren. I remember when my daughter was pregnant with her first set of twins (yes she has 2 sets, so far, hoping for boys next time) but only 1 person said to me how did I get so lucky as to be blessed with twins. Pretty much everyone else had something negative to say, the worst were all the ones who had to share with me that they had a twin that died at birth, did they really think I wanted to hear that! I love all my Nanababies and as long as her and my son-in-law want and care for them, then I can see no reason for them not to have as many as they want. Though I do feel like I am getting ripped off in the birthday cake department, with 6 birthdays I only get 4 parties with cake, since the twins share a birthday LOL. But the attention can be good also, when we eat out every waitress in the place has to stop at the table and check out the family with 2 sets of twins, service has never been better! Karen Stevenson
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was when my ob asked me if they all had the same dad, like having a lot of kids and all of them being from the same parents was unusual. I didn't think it was THAT uncommon.
ReplyDeleteThat's another good point! When my hubby tells people that he has 5 kids, people almost always ask: "with the same woman?"
DeleteI too, had a lot of kids, close in age, and when people stopped me in the grocery store (albeit I hardly ever took them all out to the grocery store, only in desperation) wide-eyed with their "are they all yours??!!" comments, I simply smiled, said, "yes they are, they all have different fathers, aren't they so cute?" and kept on going.
ReplyDeleteOH I loved this post! It made me smile. As a mother of, oh two cats, I constantly get asked when I'm going to get around to having children... do I know how.. etc etc!! Funnily enough, despite it being the other end of the spectrum from you I think I feel kinda the same way! I wish people would stop assuming there was some kind of mistake in my life and "oh but you MUST have children otherwise you'll be missing out"!
ReplyDeleteDo not insult those of us who have actual children with your cats. Animals are NOT children, you would not die for your animal. You ARE missing out when you don't have a child, but if that's your choice so be it, but don't think you have a clue what it feels like to have the questions that's listed because of your stupid cats.
DeleteThat is totally not what she is implying! Did you not read her post??? What she is saying is that no matter what our situation, people will come up with rude comments....and I think that you are being rude right now with your comment!!!
DeleteOh my goodness! Totally agree with the reasonable Anonymous (of 6:18PM). That was very, very rude, Anonymous (3:44pm)! She was being "cheeky" calling her cats children and simply commenting on strangers butting into her business. So sorry original Anonymous!
DeleteHi, this is the original poster here Anonymous 8:18AM. Erm, I have to say I'm more than a little shocked by Anonymous 3.44PM. I just hope that you really did misunderstand me! I wasn't for a second trying to suggest that my cats are actual children! Just that I can see parallels with other peoples reactions (which is somewhat surprising from my point of view) with Kelly's original post and my position! Thank you to Anon 6.18pm and 8.43pm for pointing this out. But aside from that, as you don't know me how do you know how I feel about my cats, maybe I would die for them? I don't presume to tell you how you feel about your family or friends so please don't judge me! After all isn't what this whole post is about and why I empathized with it in the first place?
DeleteAnd PLEASE don't tell me I'm missing out by not having a child. You don't know who I am, how I feel about children or what my life is like! I could suggest you are missing out by not traveling the world, living in Afghanistan or singing in Opera (none of which I do by the way... just to illustrate the point!). Besides, I personally feel that I am much better leaving having children to people who *really* want them as I think parents should give their heart and soul to their children, and sadly, I know of many parents who don't (I'm am a very good friend of a social worker, just to put this in perspective). Hats off to people like Kelly who are clearly extraordinary mothers; it doesn't mean all of us will be. Children deserve the best parenting they can be given, and I personally don't think I would provide that, not right now anyway. So pleaasssse don't tell me I am 'missing out'.
Sorry to go on... but well, I thought you should understand my opinion :S
Well put! This is anonymous from 6.18pm BTW....I don't even feel that you had to explain yourself at all! There are alot of inconsiderate people in this world, and for us caring, loving considerate people to have to explain ourselves just frustrates me!!! On Wednesday evening my 4 children and I were at a local thrift store that we absolutely adore, and my 4 children were happily squealing, laughing, enjoying a toy called elefun that was for sale...a customer shouted to my kids to "be quiet and stop acting like barn animals"!!!! I was shocked! My kids were shocked! I had to sit there and defend my children and it absolutely broke my heart. I really don't know what this world is coming to...It's a world where children are not free to be children, She even went on to say that I have "a problem" and when I asked her what the problem was she answered, "your kids". I find my kids to be the reason I am here. I am everything to those children and they are everything to me. Rude people will find a way to get to you, usually coming from their own unhappiness...I a sorry for rambling but please do not feel that you have to explain yourself-they do not deserve it!!
DeleteI am 6 months pregnant with number 7. Mine are all close together. 11 and under. I have heard everything listed about about a million times. I can not tell you how many times I have been "told" ~ "there is no way ALL OF THOSE ARE YOURS, you must run an in home child care". Technically, YES, yes, I do! I have 6 very smart healthy children that I bring EVERYWHERE with me, since my husband is deployed. Granted, they do go to school and I do get a somewhat free moment when my 2 year old takes a nap (rarely)...but like you stated...just because we have a lot of children...I am not a freak. I am not a Duggar. I do know how it happens. Yes, they are all mine. Yes, It is difficult at times, but don't feel sorry for me. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSo cute and so true. I have 3, but I am also a foster parent at one point we had 7, at the moment we have 5 with another moving in soon.
ReplyDeleteI hear a lot I have a hard enough time with 2, don't know how you do it.
You just do! We had to get organised, but are much happier for it :)
thanks for the post:)
they are realy not cheaper by the dozen,but it made me very artistic...because its colourfull. not easy but as one gets older very rewarding. i,m thinking of all the laughs and the singing.would not trade it for the biggest diamand..
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I have a 4, 3 and and 1 year old and am always getting asked if I am having anymore. They tend to look at me as if I have a huge family. One day I commented to my husband that to me 5 children is just a regular size family. (Several of my aunts have 9-12 kids so 5 seems small to me.) While I can't have anymore due to medical reasons we are hoping to increase our family by adoption...and definitely the other most popular comment I get is "Are they ALL yours" Sometimes I just want to say, "No, I ride through the neighborhood picking up different kids to bring shopping with me!" But seriously, Of course they are mine!
ReplyDeleteIt is frustrating to me to read people's reactions because some would love to have that many kids and aren't able to. :(
ReplyDelete4 years ago our family made a video dealing with these same issues! :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaD8xat6VDw
That was great! Thanks for sharing :)
DeleteO-M-G Girlfriend you hit it right on.the.nail!!! I have 4 and they are with me everywhere I go and I always friggin hear the same crap comments too...it actually makes me feel so alone, nice to know I am not!!!
ReplyDeleteI would also like to add #13: Yes they are all mine! No woman in her right mind wuold round up 9 children and take them to Walmart if they weren't hers...now would she?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the entertaining post!
Lori mother of nine; wife of one :)
Great post. I have five as well and I've heard all of those many times. I think people just want to say something and those are the things that easily come to mind. The only thing that really gets to me are the looks ... if people see a mom with one kid throwing a fit, they don't think a lot of it, but if I'm out with five and one throws a fit (as two year olds are prone to do), I get the looks like I can't handle my kids. It seems the more kids you have, the more judgement people are allowed to heap on you.
ReplyDeleteAmusing article, but plurals don't have apostrophes.
ReplyDeleteYes, nitpick, but still.
Ooops. You're right. Thanks for pointing that out. :)
DeleteI'm going to nitpick as well.... No apostrophes for plurals.
ReplyDeleteI love big families. They are great and I wish I did have more children. I too, "only" have 3. And while you all are saying that people judge you for having so many, I would like to tell the flip side of things. I am around alot of bigger families and sometimes get the sense that "you only have 3?" "Are you trusting God and allowing Him to decide how many?" etc... Little do they know that my husband has decided that for my health reasons it is wise for us to stop at 3. But I shouldn't have to explain that to everybody but feel I have to so they don't judge me for not being as 'spiritual' as they with their 6 under 5 in tote. I don't think that's right either and that makes me sad. So I try not to judge people for having lots or little because I don't know the whole story. And yes, I have gotten comments before of "you have to have at least one more!" My husband and I believe that children are a blessing from the Lord. AMEN! We love children and we love our children. End of story!!! =)
ReplyDeleteAmen to #5!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are about to have baby #11 & we still don't know what causes it. :o)
Oh how I love love love this post! My husband and I hear this all the time as well! We just had our 5th child in November and we couldn't imagine life without him. God is in control of our family size and always provides for us!
ReplyDeleteThe Lord has allowed me to have a family by a single birth and three adoptions. People always ask me, "All with the same father?" I usually answer, "No, and in fact, only two of them have the same mother." Then I tell them about the beauty of adoption.
ReplyDeleteThe whole adoption angle just adds another layer of rude, sadly.
DeleteI have one dear friend who is a loving foster-mommy. She's adopted 3, and currently cares for a total of 5. They are not all the same race/skin color/whatever and she gets rude comments constantly. People always ask if they're all hers, and some have even said "I just know you're a foster parent and I'm going to adopt those kids and take them away from you!" Sigh.
As a mom of six living children and one in heaven I get a load of comments too. Yes my hands are full, no I'm not Catholic or Mormon I just like kids, yes I am slightly crazy it's more fun this way. Am I having any more? Did you REALLY just walk up to me and ask me about my SEX LIFE? I don't even know you!
Had to laugh at this....I can so relate. We have 6 children (now all grown)in 11 years. #5 and #6 were twin girls. We were subjected to many snide comments about the size of our young family. Finally, at a baseball team party for one of our boys my husband snapped. Another dad asked us "Haven't you guys figured out what causes that (waving his arms at our children) yet?" My husband replied, "Yes, we have and we were just practicing until we got it perfect!" The other dad was red with embarrassment and slunk away without another word. As far as I am concerned, #1,2,3, and 4 were perfect too....not just #5 and 6.
ReplyDeleteThis made me chuckle and nod my head in agreement. We recently found out we were expecting and just found out we are also having another boy. Even since I announced we were pregnant my own family has been making comments about paying the doctor to remove all my baby making parts and well basically everything you listed. It's so annoying and at times I just have to hold back.
ReplyDeleteWhile I just can't bring myself to say something about how hurtful and annoying their comments are I just had to share. So I wrote about my own issues with a big family and the hurt that I have that we will only ever know boys: http://dinkerandgiggles.com/baby-gender-announcement/
I honestly would love to be compared with the Duggars and my sister compares me to her often although she says things more like "Let's not be like the Duggars okay". Why not. A wholesome family with great values and no debt. They have a whole family of well-behaved productive citizens that love the Lord, their family and community. I'd be honored to have my family turn out that nice!
Thank you...from a "freaky" mom of 9.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I just saw it...I, too, am passionate/obsessive about painting things teal.
ReplyDeleteLol! Especially loved the "cuteness and snot".
ReplyDeleteWe have two, a 2yr old and an autistic 3yr old. Number 5 almost made me cry, thank you for saying that, I really needed to hear it. My mother in law had 8 kids and was (last month, we moved a few cities away, w00t~!) always hassleing me about my private issues (that I don't make public in the first place), always saying that to my husband, "She only has two, *I* had 8!"
I also hear all of those things, but its more like one or two comments every outing, because I'm just barely not a teenager I think.
So... yeah. You're an amazing person! I really enjoyed reading this, thank you!
Hugs. Great job. Mom of 5 under 6 here... 2 via adoption. I think we've stopped hearing the "do you know what causes it..." due to the adoption... thank goodness! But I ALWAYS here "You sure have your hands full!" Everywhere! I just smile sweetly and say, "AND my heart is full too..." or "Yep, full of treasures."
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I have six children and hear from a lot of people when we go out. I think a lot of the time people just want to talk to you and try to think of something to start the conversation. I look at it as an opportunity to share with them. I think God uses that so that he can introduce us to people who we would never talk with otherwise. So look at it as a blessing instead of a frustration!
ReplyDelete* AND, don't assume that we are on welfare just because we have seven children. We don't take any government money. God provides for us.
ReplyDeleteI'll gladly abide by your rules, unless your having them on the state's dime...MY dime. ; )
ReplyDeleteAgain, another RUDE person...The state's dime belongs to all citizens of that state thank you VERY much :)
DeleteWhen people ask me if I know what causes it, I reply I sure do and I love practicing :) They usually shut up.
ReplyDeleteI love it!! My grandmother had 9 kids, and she always told me they were her greatest joy. She said her biggest regret was she did not have more...I want my house to always be full!!
ReplyDeleteA little humour goes a long way. When people ask me how many children I have, I might respond, "Well, only 7 so far...."! Or if they ask me why I had so many, I might get really cheeky, and say "We finally found something we were good at!" Or I might say, "Look at them! With children this gorgeous, who wouldn't want to make more!" Either way, it makes people laugh, and mostly, move on... I do sometimes challenge people's thinking about family size, for example, "Well, God didn't say go forth and replace yourselves, He said go forth and MULTIPLY!"
ReplyDeleteMy youngest, now 5, could not understand how friends of ours could be so "mean" (his word) as to "only" have 3 children... as far as he's concerned, a proper family is a large family!
I like to say "Only God knows if we're done"...we have 12 kids by birth & adoption.
DeleteI have a dear friend with four children. her husband is a doctor. A gentleman at church once asked her if she knew what caused this when she was pregnant yet again. Her reply, "Yes, my husband has a doctorate in reproductive physiology." He didn't ask again. ;)
ReplyDeleteI do solomnly swear to never as this question of anyone. :D
For the "don't you know what causes this?" comment, you could always take my friends' approach: "yes, we do and apparently we like it!" lol Talk about putting them speechless.
ReplyDeleteWow, it is shocking what some people say. I have three young boys and I recently took them to the grocery store to get one item. I didn't bring a stroller and skipped the cart. I didn't figure that things could get too out of hand since we were picking up one thing. I was wrong, and to make matters worse my cashier kept saying, "I'm glad I'm not you." He said this multiple times. Ugh, some people.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I'm the oldest of seven. Seven. The youngest is three. I remember when the my brother was born and we had to spend some obscene amount of money on a van that seated eight people....just to have another on the way not three months later. Goooooood times.
ReplyDeleteI am a mom of 13! Had all kinds of comments but I would say most
ReplyDeleteAre sincere in saying how blessed we are and what wonderful children that love the Lord that they have and are becoming! Oldest are 24 yo twin sons, youngest is 5 yo daughter and every two years in-between! With 2 sets of twins! Sometimes I think it's harder now than with 6 five years and younger.... All the coming and going!! And I have lost alot of my helpers!! Hahaha! It's all good! Every season is a blessing!!
Cindy Morris
www.weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com
some days I wish we had more kids; others less! but over all i feel very blessed and I tell people that yes we know what causes it and we are addicted and very GOOD at IT! that usually quiets them:)
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! We have 7 and I've heard them all!
ReplyDeleteGreat post :) We are kind of the other end of the spectrum. We have two kids but only because we are unable to have more children. We always wanted 5-7. Two doesn't seem right. When we pass families with four, five, six, etc kids, our family becomes wistful. My kids talk about how neat it'd be to have more siblings. And I have to say that what drives me the craziest is people coming up to us and saying, "Oh, we're also on the two kids only plan". I just shake my head and say that we never chose to stop at two....
ReplyDeleteWe have 3 adopted children with special needs. I had a hysterectomy at 25, so no biological kiddos. I get comments all the time about how patient we are, and how they are in such a great home. And then the question of whether we are finished. NO WAY! We want a large family, and whatever God brings us is what we will end up with. They are such amazing blessings, all in their own unique ways. :) And I think one to two was the worst. Two to three happened REALLY fast - the middle child is only about 7 months older than the youngest. Two infants, two sets of diapers to change continuously, so thankful and blessed I can stay home. :)
ReplyDeleteMy friend said that she always wants to say the following to the question of: Do you know what causes that? YES and we do it as often as possible!!
ReplyDeleteAnd if your family has only girls or boys and someone says: Are you trying for a _____? Reply: Heavens no! I don't have clothes for that one!! (since it's none of their business anyway).
I had 3 in 4 1/2 years and my favorite comment on a day when I was about to snap and my husband was on his second year in Iraq: What a basketfull of blessings! changed everything for me that day...
msh
Love this post!! When people ask if we know what causes it I tell them, "No will you please explain it to me, with DETAILED drawings or photographs if they prefer??" That shuts them up really quick:) I am due with #4 in June and no we are not done......:)
ReplyDeleteI think I would probably lose my mind! Makes me nuts when people think that children are a bad thing and that birth control is the best option for everyone.
ReplyDeleteWe have 9 children- all of whom are adults now. I started getting real tired of people (strangers) saying to me, "Don't you know what causes that?". I finally began replying, "Yes! And we enjoy it so much we do it all the time!" They would get so embarrassed by my "candor" that they would slink off. And when someone would say, "Don't you think you have too many?" I relied "You know you're right...tell me; which one I should get rid of?" Not only shut them up but they fell all over themselves trying to undo their stupid comment. Of course, I got some pretty cool comments too: "Must be a lot of love in your home" and "I bet Christmas is awesome at your house." Some people really liked that we had a large family...I know we did. Great post!
ReplyDeleteWell said, I'm a mom of 7. No I am not supermom, I am a normal, slightly overwhelmed, incredibly blessed normal mom. And I wish I could have more!
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of eight, I would like to thank you! It was all perfectly true and accurate!
ReplyDeleteI have five kids and have heard them all also .But my least favorite is Are they all yours ?No I just collect other peoples kids and drag them around shopping because it is such a joy to shop with kids ! LOL .I would not change a thing though it is wonderful to have a large family .I am very lucky :)
ReplyDeleteI have 5 kids ages 7 down to 4 months old. We get the rude stares and the pitying shaking of the head with the comment "you sure are busy" I couldn't feel more blessed, I still haven't figured out why I should be the object of someone's pity. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have four adopted children and people are asking us if we are "done having kids". Hilarious! Big families just make people nervous. I always wonder if maybe all the comments from total strangers (and friends and family) are because the Holy Spirit is convicting them of their lack of belief in a God who gives blessings as children. It is really them rejecting God, not our lovies!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I have four children and I get the craziest looks when I take them all shopping by myself. When did having 4 children become 'to many'? When I hear, "you must be busy!" I say, I am, but very blessed!
ReplyDeleteSo True!
ReplyDeleteWe have 11 children.
Why do people feel the need to ask if we have a TV? (Of course we do we have 5 teenagers!)
Do I know what contraception is? (I teach sex education actually!)
We have two sets of g/b twins- poor you, double trouble (no actually double the blessing, they are all wonderful!)
We must be Catholic (No we are not, not that I have anything against Catholics but why assume I am one because of my family size)
You must have a very large house (no, we make very good use of the space we have)
The children must get no attention (if you notice we have some larger age gaps, also have you seen what a fuss the big ones make of the little ones? how much time/attention do you give your two children?)
And so I could go on............
Great post. I am the mother of 9 children and love this.
ReplyDelete~Shannon
#10!!! Yes!!! An invitation would be nice. We have 5 also, and although we have people over often, no one reciprocates.
ReplyDelete-Mandy
I agree. My husband and I and our family of 5 have very seldom (1 time) been invited over to someone's house for dinner. We have people in all the time but are never asked over.
DeleteThank you! We have 4 boys (6, 4, and 2 yo twins) and I hate taking them anywhere because of those comments. Seriously, you are going to tease me about what causes children IN FRONT OF THEM?!?!?
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Awesome post!!! I have 3 (2 boys and baby girl) and I get, "oh good, you finally got your girl. Your done, right?" a lot!!! Just found out I'm pregnant with #4 yesterday and we're super excited. We'll have 4 kids 5 and under! :) Couldn't be happier! I can't wait for the looks at the grocery store when I'm dragging 3 kids around and I'm real big! The looks are priceless! I just hate when people are real nosy. I had some say, wow you got your hands full. So, you're done right? I said no and she said, don't do that to your husband! I said he came from a large family (6 kids) like me (5 kids). Then she said, "Are ya Mormon?" I was sorta taken aback and then said, well yes I am! Cause I really am! :) But that's not the reason why I decided to have them many kids! What a shocker! Oh, and the other thing people say is, do you have a TV? Because you need one! I just try and laugh them off. Most people are really kind to the kiddos.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now that this comment is soooo long, I'll finish by saying again, great POST! :)
Great article. I do wish more people would consider adoption before having so many biological children. There are 147 million orphans that would love to have a family. Why are they not good enough? Why must some continue to have 8,9,10,11 or 12 kids when there are children dying everyday that just want a loving family to be a part of. Just my thoughts though. I don't look down on those with big families at all or pity them, but I do wonder why they choose the road they choose instead of reaching out to children that are already here and alone.
ReplyDeleteSame questions could be applied to adopted children as well!! {that the author of the post is trying to convey!}
DeleteThis was cute, but as a believer I wondered about something. The only people that would ask such questions about your many children would be the lost; a truly saved person would understand that children were a blessing from our Father in Heaven. So, perhaps instead of a slight "rant"..which is how an unbeliever will hear this; they may become defensive reading this. Perhaps, when someone asks some of the questions you have listed above, it would be a wonderful opportunity to share the Gospel.
ReplyDeleteI just realized that I wrote my last comment assuming you were a Christian, but I don't see anything at first glance on your blog that indicates this. Are you? Sorry if I got this wrong.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am a Christian. (here's my about me page: http://www.imperfecthomemaking.com/p/about-me.html)
DeleteI think you made a great point in your previous comment, and I certainly do try to be gracious when people stop me in public to make these comments. But I'd like to make a couple points: a) This post is supposed to be sorta tongue-in-cheek, I was trying to be funny. I strive to be very real and authentic on this blog, and part of that is that I'm a little bit goofy and tend to go off on tangents....I like to think that my readers kinda enjoy that aspect. And b) I wish I could say I don't get these comments from Christians, but I do. Often. Just the other day I was informed by a Christian woman that I shouldn't have any more,my quiver is full!
I appreciate your comment, Katrina...you are right that such conversations are a great springboard to sharing the Hope that we have in Christ. :)
You know, I am a mom of 3 and I don't get why these moms of big families get their panties in a twist over what people say. Just smile and keep going.
ReplyDeleteP.S.~ My personal opinion is that as long as it is your paycheck and not mine that is supporting the kids you are making, have a whole busload or two if you want to!
I met a lady with 5 kids and we were talking. And she was... Quite normal, go figre. Lol. Anyway she said she always gets the 'you know what causes this right?' Question. One day her husband gave an answer that she said became their answer every time. I loved it so much I share it with every mom of several.... His answer? 'Yes actually we do and we obviously enjoy it!' Awesome right!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI truly appreciate this post. I am the mother of six blessings. I get tired of people saying, "Don't you own a TV?" why yes we do, we actually have 5 of them. I also had someone aske me why I am always pregnant in the summer (four of mine are summer babies) and I told him that I get really cold in the winter, I had to get warm somehow. I to am a Believer. Yes it gets extremely hectic sometimes, but the Lord has blessed me with far more than riches.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 children but was pregnant 7 times. I would have loved to have had 7 children. If I see you I will always say how beautiful your children are or how lucky you are to have them and they you. Enjoy your happy, full life. May God bless your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteI am the oldest of 11 children from Markham, ON, and am now married with 3 of my own. My youngest sister is just 12 years old still:-) OH THE QUESTIONS! This really made me laugh and took me right back to all those times in the mall where we were stopped a hundred times. People are ridiculous, and hilarious.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I just had my first, and am the oldest of 7. I remember the questions, and still get them when people find out I'm from such a "large" family! It's such a wonderful blessing, and as my siblings and I have grown up, it's become even more fun. When we get together, there are now 13 people with my child and the spouses, and it's fantastic! Oh, and we were homeschooled, and had only a three bedroom house. it was great. :-)
ReplyDeleteAmen!!!
ReplyDeleteLove it!!! Especially #10!
ReplyDeleteShannon & my six little gators
Wow!!! I am loving this...loved it so much that I put a link to it on my fb page! You have to learn how to adjust after ANYTHING life gives you!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter has cancer {she really does} While it's definitely something tragic and life threatening, I am thankful for my experiences that has in return made life much richer for me. I should only expect the same from others, that I expect of myself...if that make sense :)
Kids in any number, are an ultimate gift from God! I am very thankful for my babies...
Wish others would feel the same!
Thank you for opening my eyeballs on this subject....through my own experiences, i'm learning to treat others how I want to be treated!!
{this subject can go for numerous types of life subjects...if that make sense!!}
I have 2 kids, 1 boy, 1 girl. People are always saying, "you're so lucky, one of each, now you can stop!" Yes, we are done producing kids but have always felt led to adopt, so we will be expanding our family that way. I'm sure I will hear some crazy comments about that decision!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are expecting our 2nd child in May, our first is a girl (28 months) and this one is to be a boy. The first comment from many was the same as yours. "Oh, the nuclear family. Now you have one of each. You can be done."
DeleteAlso, I'm 25 and have received comments from people such as "Your so young to have a a second on the way", or "You started early." Really? Because my husband is 28 and since when did there become an age to start having children?
Loved the post! I have three kids four and under and am expecting #4 this summer. I am mormon and I live in Utah and I still get comments from people. I've fortunately never had anyone be outright rude to me, but I have gotten several comments from people. It's always slightly awkward to me when older people make the comment "you know how that happens don't you". Thanks for making me laugh today.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I have 3 girls. (5, 3 and 1.) My husband and I both come from "large" families (5 kids in mine, 6 in his) and we are planning on having more. I have received my share of comments as well.
ReplyDelete(The other day, a Mom at my daughter's school said "so you are definitely done ..right?"...)I am 26, and have lived in areas where people generally don't start trying to have kids till their late 30's. You know...when they have "done something" with their lives. lol. It really bugs me when people think "lots" of kids + "young" age = uneducated. Hence triggering the question "do you know how that happens?" ...as if they are somehow privy to some superior knowledge on the "right" method of reproduction. :)
Before I had my kids, I went to college on a music scholarship, worked as an assistant to the CEO of a multimillion dollar identity management software company (with hundreds of hefty clients), sang with a group in Carnegie Hall under the direction of John Rutter, and pursued and achieved other similar endeavors. I now teach a few music classes once a week to about 120 kids, on a volunteer basis. However, I never mention things like this in conversation. I don't think it is very becoming to brag, and frankly, none of the things I have accomplished or will accomplish will hold a candle to raising my family. I didn't sign up for medals. I signed up for memories. :)
Thank you!! I love this! We have a 7 and 5 year old and then had triplets who are now 16 months. Oh the comments and looks we get! Your article rings so true to my ears! Thanks for the great laugh!
ReplyDeleteWe are truly blessed - some people just don't get it!
Great post! We only have 3 (ages 1, 2, and 3) and have one on the way, but we get these things all the time! Crazy; do people really think three or four children is a large family?
ReplyDeleteWe get a lot of "Don't you have cable?" (as it turns out, we don't).
I've also gotten, "Wow, isn't that really dangerous?", "Were they all planned?", "Are you just trying until you get a boy?", and "You know, that's really bad for the environment!"
It would be really lovely if people gave what they were about to say a second thought before they spoke it! I don't come up and make rude comments people when i see their 50lb two year old in their grocery cart surrounded by soft drinks, lunchables, cookies, and pudding.
Everyone is different - just keep on loving whether you agree with their choices or not!
LOVE this post!! Thank you!!!
ReplyDeleteLove this! I have 3 right now. We'd welcome more if they come. I'm busy teaching and helping my hubby farm. The best part is we do it all as a family! I'm excited to have found your blog!
ReplyDeleteCan I like this a GAZILLION times?? Sometimes I want to wear a sandwich board that says:
ReplyDelete* No, I don't run a daycare.
* Yes, they're all mine.
* Yes, I know what causes this.
* I don't think my "lot in life" is harder than yours.
* How are they going to learn to behave in public if we never take them out in public?
My very favorite inquiry was when we were setting up camp for our vacation in South Dakota - "Is this a scout troop?"
Love this post!!!
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!!
ReplyDeleteand maybe i should consider writing "what moms of one child may want you to know" post. hmmm! . . . .
(#1 would be the same -- except to my knowledge, it's always been directed at me, not my son. MERCY!)
Great post, I love it! We have one child, who is adopted, and we hear equally rude things about the one child who obviously looks different than us.
ReplyDeleteWell said, thanks for sharing!
I always like to tell people who clearly feel sorry for us or the I can only handle 2 remark that they have no idea how much fun they are missing. Thank you for this post. It made my heart smile.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of 6 (5 boys and 1 girl in that order) one thing I am asked is "Are you Mormon or Catholic?" My response "We are Catholic but that is not why we have 6 kids - we are just crazy." What I do know is that 1. my house will always be disaster no matter how may times I pick it up - it is hard to keep clean when you have a tornado of children swooping in behind you as you pick up those legos AGAIN! 2. Our lives will always be insanely busy and our weekends are no longer our own (at least until the 6th one turns 18) 3. We will NEVER be on time for anything - we try, we really do, but without fail someone always loses a shoe or has to potty just as we are about to pull out of the driveway. 4. I will survive and someday I will miss the chaos (at least I keep telling myself that.)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite response to this is "yes we know what causes it, the miracle is that there isn't a million of them!". Usually keeps them quiet.
ReplyDeleteI have 9 and can SO related to this! Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of 6 ages 8 and younger, this is so true. The "Your hands are full" comment is my most received - and so entirely not helpful. My kids don't need to be told how difficult they (don't) make my life! I'm loving this fun world of motherhood. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post. We have 7 kids and the last 5 are very close in age and are adopted. We when we get asked the dreaded question "do you know what causes this" it's all I can do to keep from blowing a gasket. When I do tell them (Which I have stopped doing because it's no ones businees) how are children became ours they always say "those women should be steralized" My reaction is "then I would have my beautiful children." I must say my favorite question I get asked (from those who have not asked the first question) is " do they all have the same dad?" My response to that one is "are you asking me how many men I slept with to get my children?" Depending on how it's asked, I have come up with a nicer response of "I've been married to the same man for 17 yrs."
ReplyDeleteGreat post! We have 4 and just a couple hours ago we were at our dr appt. When we arrived I heard a man say. Oh my, it must be a home daycare. Really? I didn't drive there in a bus. I had a good chuckle to myself though!
ReplyDeletehahahaha! just found out i'm pg with #4. i'm already a circus with my existing 3 who are 7,5 and 2. i'm dreading telling my parents b/c YES, I do know what causes this (#4 was a total surprise).
ReplyDeleteLOL, I have 5 and the knowing how this happens gets old. I finally started saying, I do know and I like it. Ok I didn't say it to everyone but I wanted to. Anyone who tells me my hands are full, I always say Yes and I LOVE IT!!! My SIL has one and had asked us about having more last summer. I said YES!! Just to get her as I know she thinks we have plenty. DH is done and I don't care to be pregnant again, but I haven't given up on adoption, especially an older child.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I had no idea big family moms were so sensetive. I'm a senior age mom with no grandkids. Wish I had some! I love kids and probably make comments that some of you may take offense at. Like "I bet you get tired" or "what cute kids" or "how many children do you have". I mean no offense. I just want to be friendly and connect with you and your family. From now on I'll just look away and be sad. When I was raising my kids people made casual comments to me, I just assumed they were trying to be friendly and some people are more polished and socially skilled than others. Why oh why are you all SO sensitive? Here is your great chance to show folks that bigger families are fun and by choice and parents of them are not weird! Quit worring about what others say and try to be the best you can be. Chill ladies, chill!
ReplyDeleteAnother interesting phenomenon is that it's horrible to PROCREATE and have a lot of kids, but if you ADOPT them, you're a saint!
ReplyDeleteI have 7 biological children (4 with special needs), and then we adopted 2 (both with special needs). People are appalled until they ask, "All they all yours?" (yes)... "I mean, are any adopted?" (yes). Then, suddenly, it's okay that I have 9 children, because I didn't give birth to all of them. ???? Yeah, that's a new one I'm trying to figure out.
To Anonymous at 10:59pm, I don't care if people ask how many children I have or comment that my kids are cute. What I DO mind is people thinking it's socially acceptable to discuss my sex life in front of my children or to snark or be rude BECAUSE I have 9 children. If big family moms are sensitive, it's with good reason. Apparently things were different back when you were raising kids since you don't understand our feelings, but you know, when you get HUNDREDS of big family moms ALL agreeing that the comments we hear rankle, that isn't a matter of us being over-sensitive; rather, it's a sign that society has crossed the boundary of propriety and we are recognizing that.
I found your blog through Pinterest and cannot stop reading. I love that you are so down to earth and do not act as though this is all so simple. I am a working mother of 1 toddler and there is nothing I hate more than someone saying such and such is so simple.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead, have as many children as you want, and forget about the oglers (sp?). I have to say I think you might be just a little nuts ;) for homeschooling - but that is just because I am a teacher and cannot imagine doing what I do at work, at home. As long as your kids are socially well-adjusted,and they seem to be, more power to you.
I will continue to follow you now. Best of luck!