{Tips for Blogging: Part 5} Dealing with Negative Comments

Blogging is a weird hobby/career/passion, isn't it?  We pour our lives and hearts and homes out onto a screen for others to read, and then not only do we permit comments from complete strangers, but we invite them! 

It already sounds like a recipe for some heart ache, doesn't it?

The vast majority of the comments you are going to receive are going to be good ones. People come to your blog because they like what you have to say.  Most people aren't walking around the blog-o-sphere looking for a fight.  But a few are. Unfortunately.

Before I tell you my very non-expert thoughts on how to deal with negative comments, I want to acknowledge that not all negative comments are inappropriate.  We blog because we want to start a discussion on a topic we are passionate about.  Discussion is good, and disagreement is part of discussion, right?

In fact, I have left negative comments before.  For example, I left a very negative comment when one blogger stated that a woman who drinks alcohol or dresses provocatively is receiving the "consequences for her actions" if she is raped.  I feel that I chose my words carefully, but I didn't pretend that everything she said was A-okay either.  Discussion is good.  

That said, I can't think of any good reason somebody should ever say (this is a made-up example) "That spring wreath is horrid.  What a stupid tutorial." I think that sort of thing falls under the if-you-can't-say-anything-nice clause that we all learned in kindergarten.

So often it isn't about what is said, but how it's said.  Rational discussion is good. Name calling isn't.  Again, it's kindergarten stuff.

So I guess what I'm saying is that when somebody comments on a blog post in a negative way the first thing we have to ask ourselves is "was it inappropriate?"  Because after we've completed and photographed a project, written and edited a blog post, edited and uploaded our photos, proofread again, and nervously pressed publish, it is really easy to assume that anybody who can think of something negative to say is clearly an evil internet dictator.

But the fact is that people should be allowed to think that your credenza looked better before you spray painted it lime green. Even though they're clearly wrong...

The way I see it, there are three basic ways to deal with an inappropriate comment.  Which one you use in any given circumstance is going to involve a lot of discernment from you.  But here are some of my personal guidelines.  

a) Ignore it.  I think this is the best route for people who just don't get who you are and what you're trying to do.  When somebody gets their internet panties in a knot because I mentioned God in a blog post, I don't delete their comment, I don't start a comment war, I just ignore it.   Not every situation requires me to step in and say something, you know?

b) Delete it.  I never ever delete a comment for simply disagreeing with me. But I frequently delete a comment that is vulgar or spammy.  Your blog is your own little corner of the internet, if people are leaving graffiti on your walls it is okay to paint over it!

c) Respond.  With this one I need to tell a story. One where I am the bad guy.

I received a comment a while back that wasn't mega nasty, but was quite rude.  The person was suggesting that I go back and change a project I had completed simply because they didn't like it. My pride exploded.  Who were they to tell me to change a project I've stated that I am happy with?  So I responded. And I was sarcastic and snarky.

Afterwards, as I reflected on it, the word that kept coming back to me was "blameless".

I need to be blameless in my response.

That doesn't just mean that my friends wouldn't blame me for making the comment I did.  It doesn't mean that my most loyal readers would stand behind the words I've said. It means that anybody, ANYBODY who comes by could not reasonably object to the words I've written and how I've written them.  That even the person whom I am responding too, the person who caused me hurt in the first place, could not honestly call me anything but patient and loving and gracious.

And if I can't do that, then I need to hold my proverbial tongue.

I know...it's hard. In fact, it means I use strategy "A" a lot more these days. 

Shortly after I came to this realization, it was tested.  An anonymous commenter commented on the size of our family.  They suggested that we must be on food stamps and told me to "close my legs".

Friends, I cried.  And then I prayed. How can I respond to this person?  How can I do it blamelessly?

I'm not claiming to have all the answers, or to have responded perfectly, but this is how I responded:

"I wish you could know us in real life so that we could change some of the preconceptions you have of large families. For the record, I have never even seen a food stamp (I'm not sure that we have those in Canada). The Lord has provided well for our family, In part by this little blog I have.

I don't think it's appropriate to tell strangers on the internet (or anybody, for that matter) to "close your legs!" The internet gives us too much anonymity sometimes, allowing us to say things that are more hurtful than helpful.

All the large families I've known have been delightful people who work hard and spend carefully. I recognize that your experience may be different, but please don't assume that we are all like the ones you've met. Thanks for commenting."

Again, I'm not saying that mine was the perfect response and that I have it all together and that you should all do as I do.  Goodness no.  My pride gets in the way sometimes, I'm way too easily hurt and too quick to respond to conflict with sarcasm.  But I really think there is something to this blamelessness....

Oh...and it wasn't my idea: 

"Therefore, beloved, looking forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless" ~2 peter 3:14

 "Do all things without complaining and disputing,  that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world"  ~Philippians 2:14,15

{This is part 5 in a series on blogging.  To read the rest of the series, click here.}

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