I had a small group of great women over for dinner a few nights ago and as we chatted into the evening the discussion turned to what it is that holds some of us back from opening our homes. One thing was echoed over and over again.
Perfection.
Because how are we supposed to invite people over when our home and life and hair are all a huge mess? When we are swamped with work or in the midst of renovations or unable to keep up with the housework? How are we supposed to invite people in when we hardly want to be in our own homes?
For some of you this battle with perfection is a raging war that you fight everyday and I don't want to pretend for a second that I have all the answers, but I do want to address the elephant in the room:
Perfect is a lie. It is unattainable. And when we are talking about things like the perfect house or the perfect family or the perfect meal, it is so subjective that it doesn't mean anything at all.
Perfect is a big fat lie.
We all have messes in our home and life and heart. Big, broken, somedays-almost-conquered-but-not-quite, beautiful messes. And we hide them away and miss out on the fellowship our soul craves.
The time will never be right. Your house will never be as clean as it could be. Your to-do list isn't going anywhere. Friend, please don't rob yourself of community waiting for something that doesn't exist.
Perfect is a lie. And Love is truth.
This is day 2 in a series about simple hospitality. Click here to see more.
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I am so glad I discovered your blog. Thank you for sharing this...it is exactly one of the things I struggle with!
ReplyDeleteChristy in Mississippi
I seriously love thing you're doing this series! I grew up in Bangladesh and there they practice hospitality that would shame North Americans. For instance, someone would walk five miles to borrow a spoon because they think you would be happier eating at their home if you had a spoon. And of course, they don't have fancy homes.
ReplyDeleteBut I lose sight of my past so quickly here and try for perfectionism. For that picture-perfect look that I can't get. And I have to say, especially recently, I've been exposed to a few people who have actually said things about my house when it's not perfect. I'm trying to believe it's more their problem than mine, but it still stings a little. So I'm glad to have your blog as an antidote!
I needed to read this! Thank you! I will need to read this over and over and over! I have to remember that "perfect" is un-obtainable!! I'm looking forward to this series!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to print this one and stick it to my fridge so I can remember what really matters and not get caught up in the bullsh*t. Thanks Kelly. You nailed it again! :)
ReplyDeletePerfect IS a lie, but it's so hard to let go of. Looking forward to this series :)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! It reminds me of advice I read in a parenting book back when my kids were little: "A perfectly picked-up house and well-developing preschoolers are mutually exclusive goals."
ReplyDeleteI love this!
DeleteI love you! I don't know you but I love you!
ReplyDeleteI really struggle with this. Especially in our day and age where we have Pinterest and Blogs to glean inspiration from... but everything always looks "magazine perfect". I know it's not reality, but it's hard not to strive for that.... I know life would be so much easier if I just let it go. Working on it! Thanks for the reminder and I'm glad to have you back!
ReplyDeleteMy friend Mary used to say, "If you've come to see me, come on in. The house is a mess, the laundry's all over, but I'd love to see you. If you've come to see my house, you'll need to make an appointment." The Truth!!! With a preschooler at home and two hairy dogs, my house always looks lived in and run through, and I feel like I'm always apologizing for it. Thanks for the reminder that life need not be perfectly organized and cleaned to be a perfect life. :)
ReplyDeleteI need to remind myself of this...how many opportunities for gatherings have I missed out on, all because my house wasn't "perfect"? It's silly when you think about it.
ReplyDeleteThe photo is right on the nose! Wonderful post, thank you. Kathy Boyer (mom of the singers)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. And just so you know, your family is perfect. They are yours, you are theirs, and that is all it takes to make perfect!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post!! I have been struggling with this for a while and a friend just admitted that she has been dealing with this as well. I think we are all in the same boat but we don't want to really express it. Thank you for your honesty...I can't tell you how freeing it is to just invite people over in the midst of the mess. I was raised in a family where drop-ins were not welcome because of the mess but am realizing that I would rather have a house full of friends and a mess on the floor than only having fellowship only once or twice a month when I am able to have everything clean at once and the toys put away.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this. I'm ashamed to have people over because I think they'll judge me on the mess of my home. I have four kids and frankly, housework really isn't my "thing." I'd rather be painting, or baking, or playing with the kids. But I'd also love to have people over to bake FOR! I've had it on my heart to start a Bible Study at the house, and now I know perfectionism is one thing that is keeping me from doing that. Thanks for opening my eyes.
ReplyDeleteVery true, sometimes I feel I am my worst enemy and as Cassie A. said all those blogs with wonderful perfect pictures do not help. Thank you Kelly!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I struggle so much with that. My husband has a heart attack when I invite people over and our house isn't spotless, but I would never have people over if the house had to be spotless.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're getting to feeling better and that you're back. I've missed reading your blog.
-Sandy
P.S. messy hair... hahaha
This series you've started is God sent! I love having friends, and the friends of my children over but often find myself struggling with perfection when entertaining. As a result, it has become a cause for overwhelming stress that I avoid having people over altogether. Thanks for this timely remember that perfection is not priority when entertaining!
ReplyDeleteAmen and amen Sista!!
ReplyDeleteYou are really an incredible woman - all that you accomplish and the way you raise your children... the things you blog about gives me some insight on the values you must instill in your beautiful children. Truly inspirational. Keep it up and God bless you :)
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! You are very inspirational! This really hits home. I found your blog from last year and didn't realize it was a year old until I looked at some comments. Have been having a wonderful autumn trying new things. Now I'll have to share some, even though my home could be more put together!
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